There isn’t a single easy part about raising babies and juggling your whole life at the same time. Life gets chaotic and messy really quickly when you’re in charge of more lives than just your own. When the dust settles, I know I’ve found myself wondering where I can still fit in my relationship with my husband – so I’m sure you feel the same. Keeping your marriage alive after kids is a huge battle, and many couples don’t take up the sword.
We’ve talked about working mom guilt; that concept revolves around not spending enough time with your kids. But what about married-after-kids guilt? What can we do to keep our marriage alive (or revive it, if it’s gone astray) even when the kids and the errands take up all of our time, energy, and emotional capacity?
Set Aside Time Daily for Genuine Conversation
We talk a lot on my podcasts – the Making Mommy Moves Show and The Power Couple Show – about keeping your relationship open for honest and real conversations. Staying transparent in every part of your life, whether that’s your goals, dreams, finances, burdens, and more is so important to a healthy relationship with aligned goals and success.
There are so many facets to this concept. You should prioritize staying on the same page for many reasons, like for the sake of achieving your financial goals or being a team when parenting. But you should also stay on the same page emotionally and mentally. Connecting with your partner is so important to your mental wellbeing – they should be your support system and your ally in all things.
Finally, and this is something Larry and I have experienced intimately, making time for genuine conversation has made us find even more things we have in common or enjoy doing together than we ever knew before. Your relationship can be fun and exciting, and you can always be learning more about your partner even when you thought you knew everything already.
Commit to Weekly Date Nights
For some couples, that time for genuine conversation might only be a few minutes over coffee before the kids get up, or for the hour after they go to bed that you both stay up to watch TV. It’s important you’re getting that time in daily, but it’s still not enough. It’s great to stay on the same page and enjoy each other’s minds, but you’ve also got to keep the dating life alive as well!
It can be easy to forget what it was like to date each other before you got married. Revive that old spot you guys frequented, even if it was childish. Explore new places and new activities to learn even more about each other. Push past your comfort zone, and make sure these dates don’t turn into boring, repetitive events just because they’re a weekly or bi-weekly commitment.
Become OK With Adults-Only Vacations
Parents – new parents, especially – might find it extremely difficult to pry themselves away from their kids. It’s scary to even take your eye off them for a second, and you miss them when they aren’t around. At the same time, it’s important to not forget how much we really, really need adult time. One can only sanely withstand about 300 rounds of Cocomelon before you’ve gone over the cliff.
You might even feel extremely guilty about taking time for yourself when you feel obligated to entertain and nurture your kids. Because of this, adults-only vacations can feel selfish or even impossible. But you need to get okay with it, even if it’s just a long weekend or a day trip! If a few hours one day is all you can bare to be whisked away with your spouse, just do it! You might worry about the babies, but I promise they’ll be okay and excited as anything to see you when you get back.
Keep The Bedroom Fire Going
I don’t think I need to write much here, but it must be said. Once you’ve fully recovered physically, mentally, and emotionally from the shock of having a baby, it’s important to remember that your relationship is still there and in need of some desperate attention. I’m not telling you to force it, but genuinely put some effort into reviving that spiciness in the bedroom. At the very least, start warming up that physical affection with loving touches like massages, kisses, dancing, anything!
Remember That Having a Healthy Relationship Helps Your Kids
If you’re having a hard time keeping your marriage alive, or there are some doubts, fears, and limiting mindsets that are holding you back, just remember this: your kids depend on your marriage having a strong foundation. Their growth and success on every level will thrive based on how much you and your partner are happy, healthy, and stable in your own relationship outside of being parents. Kids are SPONGES, more than we know it. They’ll soak up every negative action, thought, conversation, and vibe and it’ll permeate their attitudes and lifestyles for a very long time. It’s your responsibility as a parent to ensure you and your partner are keeping your cups full so that they can overflow for your kids!
You’re a Power Couple – Act Like It!
Keeping a marriage alive after kids is not only possible, but super important and really easy once you get the hang of it! If you’d love to hear more about how Larry and I keep our marriage thriving, check out our Power Couple Show! You can also subscribe to never miss an episode of the Making Mommy Moves Show, where I specifically offer support and advice for mamas who have big goals but want to love on their families even more while they achieve them.
To never miss another blog, episode, or update, get on The Lysst as well. And please, never hesitate to reach out to me if you’d love to talk one-on-one.
XX – Lyss