If you’re a mom, especially a full-time working mom, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about when I say “mommy self-care shame.” Have you ever heard questions like, “how do you find the time to go to the spa,” “who is watching the kids when you go out,” and “you’re so lucky your husband is willing to babysit while you get your nails done?”

These questions make me cringe! How is it such an evil, selfish thing to take an hour out of your day to be alone and tend to your own needs? Yes, you chose to be a mom, but that decision doesn’t mean that you no longer get to be your own person with physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.

Let’s break down mommy self-care shame once and for all. Here are reasons why all moms should dedicate regular time to doing whatever helps them recharge and refill their cups.

If You Don’t Take Care of Your Body, You Can’t Take Care of Theirs

This first reason is not just a hunch of mine – it’s proven by science and constantly repeated by doctors everywhere. From the time you give birth until the time you see them off to college, your health is critical to your kids’ health. If you’re dehydrated, your body won’t be able to produce breastmilk. If you’re not recovering properly and strengthening your muscles, you can’t get out of that hospital bed, go home, and start tending to their ’round-the-clock needs. If you are too tired and stressed, it’s easy to make mistakes, get clumsy, and just plain fall asleep on the job.

Self-care for moms is critical to the health of their kids even at the most basic level. If you can’t take a minute to breathe, drink and eat properly, go to the gym, get enough sleep, etc., then how can you be expected to BE a mom? Mommy self-care shame is actually anti-healthy development.

If You Can’t Regulate Your Mental and Emotional Health, How Can You Teach Your Kids?

Simply put: happy moms are better moms. Depression leads to negligence. Stress leads to impatience. Anger, frustration, and unmet emotional needs lead to dissassociation, outbursts, and worse. If you’re not investing in your own emotional and mental health, there’s no way you can be properly present at home with your family.

Even worse, kids learn how to manage their emotional and mental health from the way their parents behave. If you react to every hurdle or mistake with extreme emotion or by giving up, your kids will believe that behavior is proper. Then, a cycle of extreme emotional reactions will form and cause distress in the household. This broken, damaging behavior can permeat every relationship they go on to have throughout their life as they mirror this behavior and damage their own health.

Self-Care Isn’t Selfish

Many people will make it out that self-care is a selfish habit, but if they’re demanding that you pay attention to them rather than take care of yourself, who’s really the selfish one? Wouldn’t it be better if you took an extra hour after work to unwind alone before you came home for dinner if it meant that you could be more present at the table and really bond with your S.O. and kids?

Better yet, don’t ever believe that the type of self-care you choose is frivolous. Some moms might believe that taking care of physical needs, like eating and going to the gym, are valid forms of self-care but getting nails and hair done isn’t. A quick way to dash away that fear is to realize that everyone has different needs! You might not feel that your physical health is suffering as much as your mental or emotional health, so you need some alone time to relax more than you need the gym.

Only you know what you need to fill up your cup! Don’t let anyone tell you differently.

Fill Up Your Cup, Mama

Get a dang massage if you want one. Feed your soul. Feed your body. In other words, if your cup is empty, you have nothing left to give. If your cup is full, it will be able to overflow into everyone elses’.

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Talk soon!

XX – Lyss