FEATURING LARRY MORTON
Husbands, boyfriends, significant others, we have a PSA from Larry: Get on board, because she’s moving with or without you. You’ll move together or move apart!
This time, we bring Larry back on to give us an insider look at what was going through his mind as the Lyss empire began to take shape. What was he thinking and feeling when Alyssa decided she wanted to stay home with the kids to start up a business rather than go back to her full-time office work? How has he felt his own beliefs, emotions, and mindset evolve as he started to get on board with the idea? What can you take away from this evolution in their relationship?
Today’s Goals: If you’re making mommy moves, identify how your mindset shift could be affecting your partner, and think about ways you can get them to understand and get on board with your goals. If you’re the partner, identify limiting beliefs that could be holding you back from fully supporting your partner’s goals and what you can do to get involved.
IN THIS EPISODE, WE TALK ABOUT:
- How the typical full-time, dual-income family often operates with limiting mindsets
- The effects of changing mindsets in one partner when the other partner isn’t on board
- The benefits a couple or family unit can see once both partners move together instead of apart
Episode 5 Transcript: Move Together or Move Apart
Alyssa
Thanks again for tuning in to the show. In this episode, we’ve got my husband Larry with me, and we love having him here on the show. It’s such a pleasure. I know I’m married to him and I know that many of you will want to be soon. Sorry! And this episode we’re going to dive deep into the behind-the-scenes of our mental states I guess you could say. Yeah, like the metamorphosis that is like the caterpillar into the butterfly. We have grown drastically in the last six months, probably, like, far different than we were last year, last two months. So we’re going to really dive deep into that conversation today. Let’s jump in. So you’ve got a very fun perspective of this road that we were going through because I started to make the metamorphosis before you did. So I want your perspective. What was it like seeing me go through these changes? And what were you feeling?
Larry
That is a whole lot to go on that for a little bit of backstory. We’ve been together for six years, married for three and to come up on four. Yeah. Not close enough to say coming up on four. And for the longest time, we were creatures of habit. We went to the same restaurants every week. We did the same things with the same people and it was very, not “scheduled” but very like regimented that we went to the same restaurants, same times, same days of the week and it was just the same. And I think the biggest turning point was when I had our first daughter and she said, “I don’t want to go back to work,” because she didn’t. She worked in basically the closet doing insurance work, and, you know, billing and all that stuff. And hated it. Even though he went to school for it, you know, got her degree and that’s a whole nother thing with college, whatever. But I support her and I still do, but it was a bit of hesitation for me. Because I already made the majority of the money with my job, get paid decently well and keeping the lights on. And for her to say, I don’t think I want to go back. I was like, Okay, we’ll be alright either way. And just kind of went from there. And it was a slow growth in the beginning and then it’s been exponential over the last few months. So that was two years ago. Almost to the day, so happy birthday to our first daughter. It’s just been crazy to watch and there’s been a lot of attention. And, you know, withholding from me, especially in the beginning with the whole mindset and listening to podcasts and other you know, I always thought that like entrepreneurs and rich people were very pompous. It just didn’t feel like it was my scene or our scene to be a part of that lifestyle. And here we are. I felt especially recently before I kind of got on board with everything that if I didn’t get with it, I was gonna get lost.
Alyssa
Because, yeah, we actually had like a really emotional conversation. There must have been like January or February. And I was, you know, I had just had our second daughter, maybe two months before that. And I was staying up late every single night, working up until one o’clock, two o’clock in the morning and we weren’t seeing each other. I was listening to all these audiobooks and podcasts and I was like, Yeah, we were I was like you need to listen to these we need to have like conversations about this like let’s get moving and
Larry
yeah, work. I have a job where I could put in headphones all day and listen to music podcasts, wherever and I put in my headphones and listen to metal, whatever I decide to play. And she would say you really should listen to podcasts. I’m like, those are lame. But why does anybody do that? Until I did and well, it’s just crazy that just hearing someone else’s experience and hearing what other people have to say about things that you don’t know about or things that you want to know about. It’s wild, how much you can open your eyes.
Alyssa
And it’s a pick me up, like you feel so much better when you listen to them.
Larry
Yeah like I worked in a garage, turning wrenches, fix cars with some really big Debbie Downers. When something happens and the whole mood changes and no one’s happy, you know, whatever. But I would put in them headphones and a podcast and I was totally disconnected from everyone else. It was just me focusing on my work and taking in the message or whatever what anyone was saying. Started with Chris Harder. This podcast was a big eye-opener for me. That was the first one I’ve ever listened to and listen to like every single episode. Really good stuff. Highly recommended.
Alyssa
If you see us we’d love to meet you!
Larry
Yes. But yeah, once I kind of opened my eyes to what all this is about, like wow, maybe I should have done more of this a lot sooner. So yeah, that was that was a really important monumental turn in our relationship.
Alyssa
Yes, because it went from Groundhog’s Day of limiting mindset that we had because we had some really, really strong limiting beliefs that like you had to work harder to make more money, and I’m just going through this change. I’m noticing that holy crap we don’t have to be working hard to make more money. Like Larry, you can quit your job as a mechanic and we can do this we can do whatever we want to do, and that’ll pay our bills and then some and then we can have more time with our family and that was like the big mental shift.
Larry
That was happening, big time. And that’s something that we’ve touched on yet is that we were both raised very middle class like our collar very very blue collar, and my dad had worked for a tech company that wanted me to work there. And that turned out to be the labor, installing pools and stuff like that. My mom’s the same, medical assistant. And we were the same. Got out after 20 years with nothing, no retirement, and a 401k. No, not anything.
Alyssa
That’s like what attracted you. I was with my doctor for 12 years before I quit and you’re a mechanic and hopefully quitting soon.
Larry
Yeah, yes. I handed in my notice. So yeah, I mean, granted, I had a 401K and stuff like that. But, you know, we’ll look into that a little more. It’s like, that’s only a tiny little sliver of, you know what you should have by the time you’re done working. Yeah, you know, that’s, that’s, it’s horrifying. But that’s a whole nother topic. Yeah, retirement. But to stay on track of how we were raised to be middle class, you know, and it was I had been a mechanic for 10 years and even before that, you know, having other jobs where you get up early in the morning and work my ass off for $1 and at a decently well, you know, above average firm again, but it still sucks
Alyssa
and it’s really hard on your body.
Larry
I am like 26/27 and I feel like I’m like in my 40s. I beat myself up big time. And I see it, I work with guys that are in their 30s, 50s, 60s and it is not a nice field to be in and that’s why I don’t know anymore. I’m still young, I can still, you know, recover my health. You know, the rest of my adulthood. So that’s a big deal. And that’s also another thing that popped up once I got into the mindset shift that we can make more money and easier, not necessarily less long hours, but I’m not crawling under big trucks and getting filthy
Alyssa
and in 150 degrees when it’s hot outside.
Larry
When it’s hot outside it’s hot in the shop. And it doesn’t get any better when it’s cold out. So turning wrenches, I love working on my motorcycle, my truck, whatever. But it’s fun when I do it at home, but doing it at work and knowing that if I don’t do it well and whatever that it affects our livelihood sucks so that that combined with podcasts and the mindset shift and everything really put into perspective that I needed to kind of get my poop in a group and hop on board with my wife. Because and when you start out you don’t know what you’re doing. And you know, there are still days where we don’t know what we’re doing.
Alyssa
We never know what we’re doing, yeah.
Larry
It’s all figured out when you get there. We deal and we’re figuring it out and I think we’re doing pretty good.
Alyssa
Yeah, I’d say so. So I want to talk about that mental shift a little bit more. Because I think it’s really important to like drive home the importance of mindset and all of this. Let’s talk about what it was like for you as my husband watching this mindset shift happening when you weren’t on board with it.
Larry
In all honesty, it was hard. And I don’t know if we ever really talked about this aside from right now. So here it is. Yeah, it was hard. And at times, I was jealous that you had so much free time to be creating and dreaming and making those dreams come to fruition while I was still just grinding away at my job and hating it more every day. Because I really do dislike it. And now I understand, because I’m on board that like that’s not the only thing that I can do in my day. Then when I get home the second half of my day starts that whatever I’m dreaming, whatever I want to do, I need to do it and not just be envious that she is home all day and that you get to do it. Because that’s… I was there for a while.
Alyssa
I know you still are some days, I can tell.
Larry
Yeah, there are still some days where I just have a really bad day and it just hands me my ass and I’m like, I get home and the last thing I want to do is, you know, have to sit with the kids, which like kind of sucks because they’re my kids and I’m their dad. But you know, there are times where I just want to, you know, sit in a cold shower or like just not move for a few minutes, but there are times where I walk in the door and she’s got a meeting scheduled at 5:30 and it’s 5:25, so I walk in the door, she says hi and runs upstairs and I’m on duty. You know, I love them. They’re my favorite. But like mentally it’s just it’s all a mental thing.
Alyssa
Like as soon as you make that shift, and it’s like, okay, Lyss has a meeting at 5:30 and she’s going to sell a big wedding. We’re going to be on track for a really, really successful year. Then the whole mindset shift and it’s like “yay,” like “kids come here and like let’s, let’s play. Let’s go to the park. Let’s have fun. So Mommy can do her work now”
Larry
Yeah. And that’s huge too, is that I looked at being a parent after work as a chore. And that sounds awful saying it out loud because I haven’t yet…
Alyssa
but I’m sure a lot of our listeners can agree and relate to that, especially when they work full-time jobs
Larry
Especially those moments that’s if your wife is on this journey. Give her some slack and get on board because it’s the right way to go. Now when I get home, and I’m exhausted, I take all my work and I leave it out the door or their mentality or that exhaustion, everything. I just check it at the door when they walk in. And I’m dad. I’m husband. And you know she went upstairs to do her thing, I have the kids going to the park, get some ice cream, whatever. Hanging out in the backyard, and I thoroughly enjoy it now. And I don’t see it as a chore. I see it as I’m getting the hell out of work. And I get to go spend time with my family. And that’s huge. That’s huge. And because her meetings take like anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour, once she’s done she comes to join us and then we get our family time in for the day. And that’s yeah, you know, more accustomed to that. Now in the beginning, I wasn’t crazy about it. And especially when I was running late at work and she’s like you need to be home I got a meeting and
Alyssa
yeah, run around like a chicken with your head off. And don’t get a break. I get it. I hear it. So I really want to drive it home in this episode about growth and mindset and change and how important it is to let go of the past, acknowledge it for what it is and just work towards your better self. Like let’s talk about that.
Larry
Yeah, it is enormously helpful to let go of everything. Because I was very much so in a place where I wanted to hold on to those feelings of like, neglect and like, you know, her work is more important than me and the kids that stay
Alyssa
let’s talk about that feeling of neglect Yes. And jealousy.
Larry
Yes, though. Those are enormous emotions that really push their way to the top and really make you feel like crap is when you are jealous of your spouse and all the free time and dream chasing that they get to do
Alyssa
like I was spending my time like working on the business and not with you. So like that’s also a part of it.
Larry
Yeah and neglect. We had talked about that, that I was like listen, and this was like fairly recent. I’m like, I know that you are building this empire and all these businesses and you have a lot on your plate, but I’m like I’m your husband and I feel neglected. Like I feel like we’re not spending the time together that we should. And that was eye-opening for both of us so that you know there’s a time and a place for work. And then a time and a place for family time and, you know, making sure that you really get that time in.
Alyssa
Like that’s been huge right now for us, is really trying to carve out two hours a day that we’re just family time we have it set in our phone that we have reminders. Dinner is at 5:30, family dinner that serves several purposes. One is getting our daughter to eat, she’s two and doesn’t like to eat alone or really at all. And two, it like really makes it intentional family time so that’s like something that we’re doing. And then we get out of the house if the weather’s nice, we go to the park we enjoy some ice cream we do whatever we want to do. Really anything so that we’re able to have that time and that really solve that issue.
Larry
Yeah, cuz we get to spend intentional time together and that’s huge and even this like, yeah, we’re working we’re, you know, creating but we’re doing it together and we’re doing it together having a genuine conversation and that’s huge. And that’s what I’m saying to the husbands out there that you know, husbands, boyfriends, whatever, significant others, get on board with it. Because the more that you resist it, the further you will be divided. And that’s a big thing. Because if you stand your ground on all it’s all, you know, head up in the clouds nonsense that none of its going to come to fruition that it’s stupid, then she’ll, they’re doing it without you or she won’t do it at all. You’re gonna shut her down and she’ll be so resentful that you shut down her dreams and her desire to create and to be that, you know, the relationship suffers.
Alyssa
Or she’ll do it without you and you’ll be left on the sidelines.
Larry
Yeah, exactly. You know, because if she’s got that fire that she’s gonna do it anyway. Yes, she’s going to realize he kind of sucks.
Alyssa
That reminds me, I was listening to a podcast with Rachael and Dave Hollis. And they kind of went through a similar thing that we did, that “I’m moving, I’m making these changes. If you’re not coming with me, then three years we won’t be married anymore.” And that’s like essentially like what it’s gonna be either she’s gonna be complacent and she’ll be resentful of you that she’s not able to fulfill her dreams. Or she’s gonna do it without you and you’re just gonna miss out. Yeah, I think we should leave it on that because we’re kind of out our time for today. But that’s huge. Huge. Um, any last words that you want to leave for our listeners?
Larry
Yeah. For all the moms and wives out there, turn this up really loud in front of your husbands and your significant others. Get with the program, because she’s moving with or without you. And so good. Yeah, that’s pretty much it. You know, I am much happier now knowing that I’m leaving my nine to five and get to spend time with you know, with our kids. That’s what I look forward to every day.
Alyssa
I love that. Yes. Well, thank you. Thank you guys for tuning into the show. If you love this, like what we’re doing right now with our interview, we’ve got another show that we’re launching. It’s called the Power Couple Show. Tune in on podcasts and YouTube. We’ve got channels on both anywhere that you’re listening to podcasts that and we do this so we’re gonna interview Larry and I and we’re going to talk about all the things relationships business building, sex, dating, vacation, whatever, all of it like everything is on the table. Yes. So tune in over there. If you’d like what’s happening over here on the Making Mommy Moves Show, get on The Lysst. It’s on my website. I will link that in the bio in the show notes. And I think that’s it. I’m so happy you join us. We’ll see you next time!
RESOURCES
- The LYSST – Never miss an episode, blog, or exclusive deal for my favorite mom friends.
- HoneyBook– CRM system I use DAILY in my floral design business.
CONNECT WITH LYSS
Follow me: @lyss.morton
Follow Garden in the Pines: @NJGardenInThePines
Follow Larry: @mortmotoshow
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